Sunday, January 21, 2018

Fun with Words

The Washington Post's Mensa invitational once again asked readers to take 
 any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing
 one letter, and supply a new definition.   Here are the 2009 winners:                                               
 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject 
 financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.                   
 2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.                 
 3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you 
 realize it was your money to start with.                                 
 4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.                   
 5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright 
 ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
 of breaking down in the near future.                                     
 6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of     
 getting laid.                                                             
 7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.                   
 8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person 
 who doesn't get it.                                                       
 9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.   
 10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)   
 11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these     
 really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like,
 a serious bummer.                                                         
 12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day       
 consuming only things that are good for you.                             
 13. Glibido : All talk and no action.                                     
 14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
 come at you rapidly.                                                     
 15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've 
 accidentally walked through a spider web.                                 
 16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your 
 bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.                   
 17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
 fruit you're eating.                                                     
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its    should 
 yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings   
 for common words.  And the winners are:
 1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.                           
 2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has   
 3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.       
 4. Esplanade , v.. To attempt an explanation while drunk.                 
 5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.                                           
 6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a 
 7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.                                       
 8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.                               
 9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been   
 run over by a steamroller.                                               
 10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.                         
 11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.                         
 12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
 13. Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.                             
 14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms. 
 15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up 
 onto the roof and gets stuck there.                                       
 16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of jockey shorts worn by     
 Jewish men

— Cat

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